On my mind

So, I'm starting to rethink my major. Right now, I'm majoring in electrical engineering and minoring in international development (and also thinking of minoring in English as well). I wanted to master in public policy after my undergraduate studies and then work with the U.N., hopefully doing research for third world countries. I want to make a difference with my life. I think it's the only way I'll feel like I've accomplished something with my life and, honestly, I think it's pathetic I feel that way.

I think this feeling stemmed from my inner desire to stick it certain people in my life by accomplishing something that will validate me saying something scornful like "I've done this with my life. What have you done?" Also, electrical engineering, as we all might guess, is one of those ridiculously well paying careers (can you say 6 figures?).

Though, now I'm in calculus and engineering classes, I'm starting to wonder if all this is for me? I mean, it's not like I'm not a math and/or science person, but it's just so hard for me to get motivated to study for these classes. When it comes to classes like religion or foreign languages, I'm all over the assignments. I get them done ahead of time and I thoroughly enjoy myself in the classes. My calculus class is much worse. I end up either feeling the suede part of my shoes the entire time or drawing in my notebook. Even now, I should be frantically trying to catch up on homework but I really don't want to.

I think what I really want to do is major in biology, physics (the only two science subjects I enjoy), advertising communications, international relations, or a language. Those sound fun whereas electrical engineering sounds like a lot of money, but also a lot more work (maybe more work than it's worth). My dad would tell me to do what I will enjoy. My dad had to make a similar decision when he was a college student. Business or architecture? Business is where the money is but he would enjoy architecture so much more, and having grown up with financial difficulties, he chose business, which he tells me got pretty boring pretty quickly.

So, here I am facing a dilemma my dad had the pleasure of meeting about two decades ago. Money or, essentially, happiness? I should probably learn from my dad's "mistake" but it's hard. I didn't exactly grow up with parents who had plenty of money to spare. As a single parent who was supporing his son as well as his mother, my dad didn't exactly have it easy and yet, he managed to provide me with a decent childhood. My grandmother filled the role of my mother so that my dad could work without worrying about leaving me alone at home. I feel like it's my obligation to pay my parents back for that. I want to make money so I can send my on two week long vacations to Europe and so I can take my grandmother to see the family that she hasn't seen in twenty years whenever she wants.

Obviously, if I'm happy but living in a box, I can't do these things. Tough choice... I guess now isn't really the time to worry about it. I'm going to be going on a full time proselyting mission for my church in about half a year and will be gone for two years anyway. A lot will happen so I guess it's best not to make any big commitments right now.