Monday, February 11, 2008

I'm trying to be positive

but I'm still pissed off, not at anyone in particular. I'm just in a bad mood. The only positive thing I can say about today is that the weather was very nice, which seemed to impacted me today a great deal more than one would expect.

One thing I've noticed is that I want to be in a bad mood. I know that sounds bad but it's true. I know that deep down inside I can, if I wanted to, just let go all my angry thoughts and just not care what about what anyone says because I've done it many times before. The only thing is that I don't want to, so, I guess in that sense, I can't just let go.

I wonder how many of us, when we're angry, listen to angry music and refuse to listen to anyone. After all, that person might say something that will calm me down and that's the last thing I want. I think this goes for many other emotions. When I'm happy, I can forgive anyone and anything without a second thought and everything is just abso-freakin-lutely fabulous no matter what happens, whereas when I'm down, it takes something big to bring me back. It's as if I'm determined to maintain my emotions in the state they're in.

It's probably better that way so that I'm not on an emotional roller coaster, but I'm not a very pleasant person for a very long time once I get angry.

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