Hilarious

It's been a rough week. In addition to forgetting my human development and German tests, I also forgot about my chemistry test. So, I postponed my German test and took it on Tuesday night instead of Monday night and took my chem test today. On Monday, I had to go help set up my ward's Halloween party. I was gone from 4:30 until pretty late. Setting up the party was no picnic. I was already extremely irritable from forgetting my tests. Certain people did not help.

So on Monday night, I was pretty irritated. Yesterday and today just blew it for me. I've been pretty pissed off the entire time. Why do some people just don't have any sense? The Korean word, 눈치 (pronounced noon chee), is what I really want to use. It's kind of like the word sense but there really isn't an exact English translation of the word.

It's kind of like... If you can tell when someone doesn't want you there, you have 눈치.

I've had my revenge though. Today, on Facebook, my friend and I changed our relationship status to "In a relationship" and sent about 5 people into conniptions. Take that, 눈치less people! Take that!

But seriously, I screened many phone calls, texts, and messages. I did homework at a friend's apartment. She was one of the few people who didn't bother me at all so just hanging out with her, doing homework, and watching a couple movies definitely helped.

Normally, I don't get mad easily. I'm very tolerant of many things. When I do get mad though, it's very dangerous. I do and/or say things I should regret but don't because I am so pissed off. And I hold grudges and become bitter. I mean, c'mon! You've had that many chances and now you've gone too far. *&^#@ %^$&@#^$%&%@#$ and don't ever talk to me again, you $%@#@*&^!**! Honestly, I don't even understand how people get me mad. It's harder than quantum physics! It takes work!

There are some things I cannot tolerate though: being called a liar and not respecting my space. Doing those will shoot my anger level straight up to the sky. I have to say, though, that I've been getting mad easier since I've graduated. Compared to what I've stayed calm through, the last week is nothing. Maybe all this freedom in college is making me more reactive to things.

I think I need to stop watching TV and playing games. My goal as of now is to stop playing so much and start studying seriously. I need to start focusing because unlike in high school, how well I do here is going to seriously affect my future life. My goal after that is to start exercising and getting fit. If I have to spend more money and time on healthier foods, so be it. I'll at least I'll have extra time from not sitting in front of the TV. Well... That's the plan, at least.

The idiocy

So on Thursday, I was reminded that I have an exam for my Human Development class. That Thursday was the last day to take the exam without being charged a late fee. The Thursday before that the professor reminded the class of the upcoming exam and I made a note to myself to study for that exam. I forgot about before I even got to my next class. The next time I had that class (last Tuesday) we had the professor of another section teach us and she obviously didn't say anything. So, when I was reminded of the test by a friend, I just about died. 5 chapters and 250+ pages. The latest I could take the test is at 9 P.M.

I started reading around 11 that morning. At around 1, I walked to school, had lunch, and then for some bizarre reason went on Facebook. I wasted about 2 hours doing that... I finished reading at 3 and took the test at 3:30. I should say I skimmed the reading because there is no way I can really read that many pages in 3 to 4 hours. I took the test and it didn't turn out so bad. 86% is not a bad score for such last minute studying.

So I've been upset with myself about forgetting that test. I was determined to never let something like that happen ever again and guess what. I FORGOT ABOUT MY GERMAN TEST THAT'S AT 10 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING. I really cannot understand what is going on with me. Forgetting about 2 exams in the span of 5 days? It's unheard of! My brain must be going dead or something because this hasn't happened even in middle school and high school when I really didn't care about my classes.

So here I am. Blogging instead of studying. Not to mention I haven't done my programming lab. I'm really slacking off and I feel so bad about it. I feel so ashamed of letting myself get so behind. I've never been so behind on my work and I've never felt worse.

Halloween

So this is the first year I'm dressing up in a very long time. I've decided to be a surfer this year because I already have a wetsuit and an Abercrombie & Fitch full zip hoodie. Top that with messy hair and voila! You're a surfer. People have been asking where my goggles are though... I assume they think I'm a scuba diver so apparently I don't have a very good costume. I think it might have something to do with my wetsuit being so plain. Honestly, I wanted something with orange on it because orange is an awesome color.

So my roommate and I went over to a friend's house for a party. I was burning up, not because it was hot or anything but because I was so embarrassed of my costume. I'm wearing a skin tight wetsuit up to my waist with the arms down and a half zipped jacket. Now I don't exactly have to nicest looking body you know. I'm pretty sure my face was turning red, especially my ears. Fortunately, either no one noticed or no one said anything, which is a nice change because back at home, everyone notices and everyone says something when I turn red.

So, I guess I'll go to sleep now. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to write about yesterday's fiasco.

The new blog/My mom

So I'm not sure how many times I've created a new blog but I've done it again. I was supposed to use the last two to help myself change my habits but they didn't work so well. I've kept with a blog for an average of 4 posts so I'm not sure how long this one is going to last. Though I always say this when I start a new blog, I'm going to say it again. Let's hope this one's a keeper.

So just a little background info on me. I'm a Korean who's never been to Korea and grew up in a janky apartment in Los Angeles for almost 17 years. I speak Korean and English fluently, took 3 years of Spanish in high school, and am taking a German class now. It's my first year at Brigham Young University.

So this post I'm going to write about my mom. My parents divorced when I was three because of problems between my mom and my grandmother. As much as I love my grandmother, she is way too overbearing and, like everyone in our family, has a huge ego. I'm under the impression that she didn't want to let go of my dad and my dad had to choose between his mother and his wife. My mom and dad decided that it would be best, despite how much they loved each other, if they split up and spared me the conflict. My mom agreed that I would be raised by my dad and grandmother and that she would not contact me until I've graduated from high school.

I grew up without a mom but without as many problems as someone would guess. My grandmother filled the role of my mother. I'm told that after my parents split up, I refused to play with the other kids in preschool until my grandmother told me that God compensates for any wrongs in people's lives, and after hearing that I've just been a normal kid. Honestly, I didn't even think about not having a mom. It just wasn't an issue for me. Unless someone mentioned it, my mom was out of sight and out of mind.

Having said all that, the Sunday before I left for Utah to start college, I met my mom. At first I was excited at the thought of meeting my mom but that quickly turned to anxiety. The closer it got to the day we were supposed to meet, the more nervous I got. I mean, how was I supposed to feel? I had absolutely no memories of my mom so it would be like meeting a new person and would be awkward for me because I'm not good at meeting new people. It wasn't awkward at all though. She obviously was very emotional and was crying but I'm not a very emotional person. I was polite and all but in hindsight I wish I would've shown more emotion, at least for her sake.

Here's the funny part. We met at the lobby of a hotel in Downtown Los Angeles, and she asked me if I already ate lunch. I hadn't eaten yet and she asked where I'd like to eat. I told her that I wanted to eat suhlungtang, which isn't a very fancy dish or anything. It's just a simple Korean meat stew. She told me in exasperation, "We haven't met in 15 years and you want to eat that? No, we're going somewhere nice." So we went to have some very delicious dungeness crabs at Redondo Beach. I really wanted the suhlungtang though... I don't care how cheap it is, it's damn good.

We spent about 7 hours catching up, talking about the family, and shopping. I don't think I still realize that I've met my mother, the woman who gave birth to me. I don't understand that after growing up thinking that the only relatives I had were the families of my grandmother's two siblings in Korea, I suddenly have a huge family with aunts, uncles, nieces, cousins, etc. I even have a stepfather (who is a very awesome man by the way) and two older stepbrothers.

So that's what's been in my mind. How do you comprehend something like this? Having your family more that triple in size in a matter of moments and meeting your mother who didn't raise you. I don't mean that in a negative way at all though. I feel very close to my mom now, and we talk on the phone regularly. If I still lived in Los Angeles, I'd be visiting her every chance I got. It's just difficult to comprehend having a big family after growing up knowing only my dad and grandmother. I don't know what having a mom, an uncle, an aunt, etc., is like - or is supposed to be like. Since I've never experienced these kinds of relationships, I'm not sure how it's supposed to be and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to feel about these people.

I feel like I'm being really redudant. I'm not very good at writing...
Well, I'm off to bed.