Dang it

I just typed up an entire entry about a book I'm reading and about how I need to rethink my life and why. This sucks. The website didn't even save the drafts of it even though it said it did. I guess I'll just redo it tomorrow.

Hormones and the big S-E-X

There's something in the air here. To be more exact, there's something about 30,000 18 to 25 year old Mormons in a mad frenzy to get married before they pass their "prime". To be honest, in high school I never really understood why everyone seemed to have a need to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It seemed like some people just needed someone even if they didn't like the person. I've seen people enter another meaningless relationship on the same weekend that their previous one ended. It must've been the teenage hormones urging them to get some action.

Before I actually came to BYU, I told myself that I don't want to get married until I graduated. I guess I could get married in my last year, but there was no way I was going to have kids before I graduated. That would just leave me broke and tired. I also thought to myself I'd probably be surrounded by people who are dating like fiends, so I promised myself I wouldn't get caught up in it. Easier said than done.

It seems I tend to become like the people I'm surrounded by. I'm going to have to surround myself with the people that aren't dating (losers and married people) if I'm going to keep the promise I made myself. Of course, then I run the risk of becoming a loser or worse, MARRIED. Cue climatic music.

This isn't looking very good for me.


P.S. I can't stand pianists who can't trill properly and uses rubato distastefully. They make my eye twitch madly and I lose several hundred brain cells. My face contorts into something like the aliens from Independence Day and I spasm.

The route of death

After vegetating back in Los Angeles in my parent's apartment for about a week, my roommate and I are now back in our own apartment in Provo. It took us about 10 hours to get back to Utah. Once we got settled back in, we decided to go running. Let me tell you, in this elevation of 6000 plus feet, air is basically nonexistent meaning there is no oxygen available for my body. I ran out of breath after a little more than a block. When we got back, I felt like blacking out for about 10 minutes. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did though. I've been feeling pretty fat lately so I think I'll try to run regularly.

Speaking of trying to run regularly, I've been having a problem with getting started on my goals. I was talking to my roommate and he has introduced me to the concept of underwhelming. What you do is set a goal for yourself that is so underwhelming that there's no way to not meet the goal as long as you do it. For example, I will now set a goal to go running 4 times a week. It doesn't matter if I run a block or 10 miles. As long as I get up and do it, I will have met that goal. It's fantastic for me because my problem is getting started.

Underwhelming goal: get off fat ass and run!

I need more time!

So I've been home since Saturday night for Thanksgiving weekend. I'm having fun and all but I can't help but have this unsettling feeling, like I should be studying or something. The fact that I skipped two days of classes is probably adding to that. When I get back, I have a chemistry and programming test to take as well as a paper due for my Human Development class so I'm feeling very wary of this impending doom. On the bright side, there are basically only 3 more weeks of classes left until the semester is over.

While I've been home, I've been able to indulge myself in things that I don't have in Utah. In-N-out, homemade Korean food, awesome restaurants, a car, very many malls, a desktop. The thing I've missed the most I think is having a subscription to Time magazine. I didn't realize that Time was basically my main source of news. I don't really read the newspaper or watch the news but I do read Time from cover to cover. Now, it may not be the best source of news but it's the only source I have and I miss it.

I think I want to have my dad mail me the Time magazines that he gets. The logical thing to do, of course, would be to just subscribe one for my apartment in Utah but c'mon! I don't have that kind of money! I'm what we call a Starving Student. I guess if I stopped buying food at the cafeteria and started making all of my meals I'd have more money but who wants to do that? I tried it and lasted 3 days.

In other news:

1. I've made a couple goals for my life. One is to retire with enough money to have a chauffeur so that I don't kill people as I drive to the store to buy a cabbage. Another is to start a charity.
2. I've decided that making a living by blogging is totally awesome. I'm not sure I have the writing skills or the eventful life needed for a successful blog. My life is pretty boring, or maybe I'm just not good at writing about things that happen in a way that people would be interested in reading. Maybe I should major in English...
3. Coming home for breaks isn't as fun as it used to be. I'm feeling surprisingly frustrated and stressed at home. My parent's apartment is extremely comfortable but I don't think I could ever live with my parents again. I'm considering not coming home for winter break.
4. I'm going to have to get a job as soon as possible. Christmas is coming around and it's only just recently that I realized that I don't have the money to buy Christmas and birthday presents. I can at least give late Christmas presents. I should also be adding money into my savings account.

The example

So, this morning I turned on the news to see what the weather would be like today. I didn't get to see the weather but I did see the traffic report. I saw a portion of a freeway near Salt Lake City and mistook it was the 405 South back in L.A and I felt a little pull. Call me crazy but the traffic reports and freeway congestions in the mornings before school is actually something I want to be a part of again. I miss that. I'm a city person and I love Los Angeles.

Anyways, after the news a show called "The Mike and Juliet Show" came on. It was like a Regis and Kelly ripoff. But that's not the point. In this show, they had a segment about Kanye West's mom's death and the dangers of cosmetic surgery. I don't know if no one noticed before but it's cosmetic SURGERY. It's not a little procedure like an eye test at the optometrist or something. This is a surgery that is supposed to happen in a sterile environment. There is anesthesia and cutting open of the body. There are bandages and weeks, even months, of rehabilitation.

In this segment, they were saying that the doctor that was supposed to perform the operation told her to get her heart checked to make sure it was safe for her to undergo this operation. On top of that, she wanted to do two procedures at once. Each of the procedures are huge procedures just by themselves. What's more is that she wasn't exactly young. Her body is weaker because that is just what happens with age and there are more precautions to take.

I'm not saying that I'm glad that Kanye West's mom died because it's terrible. I can't even imagine how he would be coping with it, but something had to happen that would open people's eyes. Now you could say that raising awareness by doing segments in the news could do it but honestly. Really? Is that really going to work? The people who would go overboard aren't exactly the type of people who follow politics and read the newspaper. They get their "news" by standing in line at Albertson's and reading about Hilary Duff's latest trip to a rehabilitation center.

I feel like so many people are going to take this wrong but some good is going to come out of this death. DON'T EVEN SAY I'M A BAD PERSON FOR BEING GLAD SOMEONE DIED. There is a purpose for everything and this is going to raise awareness more than anything else I can think of.

Also, a woman was raped by a homeless man after walking 2 miles away from her home and flirting and kissing him while asleep. Yes. She was sleepwalking the whole time. The question is is it rape if the homeless guy was had no way of knowing that she was asleep and in no condition of giving consent? To top that off, he is mentally ill. Regardless of whether or not he knew she was not in a condition to consent, what happened was terrible. So what happens if it is decided that the guy is not guilty of rape because he couldn't have known?

Geez...

I haven't written in a while. It's been rough. Chemistry and programming class stinks. The labs take forever to finish and the professors are essentially useless. The labs for my programming class is especially bad. I spent the entire week in the freezing computer science lab and I still haven't finished it. Anyways, I've been extremely stressed and I'm in the mood to really expand on that. I feel pretty bad this week emotionally as well as physically. I've eaten fast food almost everyday because after spending an entire day on campus, I'm not in the mood to make some bland food for myself before I have to study for my other classes to make up for the entire day I spent doing my programming lab.

I've been getting better at being more optimistic in the last few years but this week I'm just too burned out to even want to try to be more optimisitic. I've actually sat down and tried to find just one thing that's good in my life and, besides the cliche things like family and friends (which, right now I am taking for granted, know I'm taking them for granted, and don't care that I'm taking them for granted), there isn't a single thing.

I'm also more irritable. There are some people who make me angry just with their voices. It's very irrational and immature of me, I know, but I just don't care. Now that I'm writing and thinking about it, I'm completely stressed out right now and pretty much don't care about anything. Just the thought of how much time I spent at the lab and how much more of my lab is left makes me cringe and I just don't want to think about it.

Anyways, the weekend is coming up. Hopefully, I can use it to rest and catch up on some studying.

The wonders of planning

So I've been told by several people that I need to buy myself a planner. Certainly, if I used a planner, I'd be less prone to forgetting 3 tests. If I used one, that is. I've had several planners and/or to-do lists. The problem with these things is that I think it's too much of a hassle to have to carry them around, and be constantly pulling it out to check it or to write something down. Besides, even if I did use it, I seem to think that I'll be able to remember things. Like if a professor were to tell me that there is an extra credit opportunity, I would probably remember it. Or at least that's what I think but no. I forget about half the time. I'm not sure why, after forgetting about these things so many times, I still feel like I'm going to remember to do things.

Tomorrow, I'm buying a planner and I'm going to write in it constantly.

Today's been an ok day for me. I got a good portion of my programming lab done. I was hoping to have it finished today but the T.A.s were not responding to my constant flagging on the help program. It may have had to do with the fact that there were about 40 people in the lab all wanting help at the same time. Maybe... I'm still annoyed about it though. Anyways, since I didn't finish it today, that means I'm going to the lab early tomorrow morning.

I was good about games/TV today. Played 2 games of Halo and didn't watch TV at all. That's not to say I got much studying done but it's definitely an improvement. We just had about 6 people in the living all playing and/or watching people play Halo, and I've somehow been able to ignore it.

Note to self, though: Don't buy fast food. I've had bad stomach pains after eating a burger, fries, and chocolate shake from the Malt Shoppe down the street. It might be because I ate it late, around 10:30. I've noticed that when I eat greasy foods later, I have stomach problems. I think I'm getting old because I've never had a problem with eating greasy foods regardless of what time it was. The 18 year old says he's getting old. Hilarious.

Anyways, if I stop buying fast food, I'd be saying money and being healthy. Two birds with one stone. Frozen bags of popcorn chicken and fish sticks don't count though. If you bake them in the oven, they can hardly be called fast food. And I would starve if they did count.

I think this Saturday, I should spend quite some time cleaning my room and organizing it a little bit. It's starting to get unmanageable. I also need to buy some more hangers. Ever since my dad sent my winter clothes, there has been a shortage of hangers. I forsee a trip to Walmart in the future.