The new blog/My mom

So I'm not sure how many times I've created a new blog but I've done it again. I was supposed to use the last two to help myself change my habits but they didn't work so well. I've kept with a blog for an average of 4 posts so I'm not sure how long this one is going to last. Though I always say this when I start a new blog, I'm going to say it again. Let's hope this one's a keeper.

So just a little background info on me. I'm a Korean who's never been to Korea and grew up in a janky apartment in Los Angeles for almost 17 years. I speak Korean and English fluently, took 3 years of Spanish in high school, and am taking a German class now. It's my first year at Brigham Young University.

So this post I'm going to write about my mom. My parents divorced when I was three because of problems between my mom and my grandmother. As much as I love my grandmother, she is way too overbearing and, like everyone in our family, has a huge ego. I'm under the impression that she didn't want to let go of my dad and my dad had to choose between his mother and his wife. My mom and dad decided that it would be best, despite how much they loved each other, if they split up and spared me the conflict. My mom agreed that I would be raised by my dad and grandmother and that she would not contact me until I've graduated from high school.

I grew up without a mom but without as many problems as someone would guess. My grandmother filled the role of my mother. I'm told that after my parents split up, I refused to play with the other kids in preschool until my grandmother told me that God compensates for any wrongs in people's lives, and after hearing that I've just been a normal kid. Honestly, I didn't even think about not having a mom. It just wasn't an issue for me. Unless someone mentioned it, my mom was out of sight and out of mind.

Having said all that, the Sunday before I left for Utah to start college, I met my mom. At first I was excited at the thought of meeting my mom but that quickly turned to anxiety. The closer it got to the day we were supposed to meet, the more nervous I got. I mean, how was I supposed to feel? I had absolutely no memories of my mom so it would be like meeting a new person and would be awkward for me because I'm not good at meeting new people. It wasn't awkward at all though. She obviously was very emotional and was crying but I'm not a very emotional person. I was polite and all but in hindsight I wish I would've shown more emotion, at least for her sake.

Here's the funny part. We met at the lobby of a hotel in Downtown Los Angeles, and she asked me if I already ate lunch. I hadn't eaten yet and she asked where I'd like to eat. I told her that I wanted to eat suhlungtang, which isn't a very fancy dish or anything. It's just a simple Korean meat stew. She told me in exasperation, "We haven't met in 15 years and you want to eat that? No, we're going somewhere nice." So we went to have some very delicious dungeness crabs at Redondo Beach. I really wanted the suhlungtang though... I don't care how cheap it is, it's damn good.

We spent about 7 hours catching up, talking about the family, and shopping. I don't think I still realize that I've met my mother, the woman who gave birth to me. I don't understand that after growing up thinking that the only relatives I had were the families of my grandmother's two siblings in Korea, I suddenly have a huge family with aunts, uncles, nieces, cousins, etc. I even have a stepfather (who is a very awesome man by the way) and two older stepbrothers.

So that's what's been in my mind. How do you comprehend something like this? Having your family more that triple in size in a matter of moments and meeting your mother who didn't raise you. I don't mean that in a negative way at all though. I feel very close to my mom now, and we talk on the phone regularly. If I still lived in Los Angeles, I'd be visiting her every chance I got. It's just difficult to comprehend having a big family after growing up knowing only my dad and grandmother. I don't know what having a mom, an uncle, an aunt, etc., is like - or is supposed to be like. Since I've never experienced these kinds of relationships, I'm not sure how it's supposed to be and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to feel about these people.

I feel like I'm being really redudant. I'm not very good at writing...
Well, I'm off to bed.