Lately I've been feeling extremely inadequate and down. Part of it is because I've completely given up on my chemistry class because I don't see the point as I am learning absolutely nothing from my idiot professor and am going to need to take the class again. I'm expecting a glaring fail on my transcript. At least until I retake it.
Because of that and a lot of other things, it seems that everything I can do amounts to a great big nothing because everyone can do it better. Everyone is smarter than me and gets better grades. Everyone is more musical. Everyone just knows more about everything and can do everything better. The ideal solution is to try my best and if I come up short, I'll at least have tried my hardest. What a joke. Who thinks like that anyways? I think, to prevent myself from ever being bested by someone who tries half as hard as I do, I just stop trying. That way I have an excuse as to why I suck major balls at life.
Obviously, this is really unhealthy but I can't get over this feeling of helplessness that seems to weigh down on me every time I try to do something. I can't help but feel that everything I do is useless because there's always going to be someone better than me. My parents have never pressured me to be the best at everything. They always stressed doing what I enjoy and doing my best but I guess it's just my personality that makes me absolutely despise losing.
I don't even know what I want to major in anymore. I thought, until recently, I wanted to major in electrical engineering but now I feel there's no way I can be successful in this field. If I think about it, I don't know if I even want to stay in college. I feel like I've already lost at everything.
How do you get over feeling like this? I might have lucked out because it's almost the new year and I've been pretty good about resolutions. The list this year is going to be very long.
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