The Better Fix

A graduation of sorts

2008-03-30T00:07:00.000-07:00

I've begun phasing this blog out. Another one is in the works. Rather, I started posting on several different pages - you know, just testing things out - and ended up posting more on one page than the others and this one. The other blog also has much better writing.

So, sorry if I disappoint. You can send me an e-mail or comment on this post if you must know what the other blog is.

Ocean's Twelve

2008-03-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

Monday was my birthday, and I'm glad no one made a too big a deal out of it. A couple of friends made a cake for me, and I got a couple of comments on my Facebook wall wishing me a happy birthday. I didn't get scheduled to work, so I relaxed a bit even though I was behind on homework (and still am, but I don't really care very much right now).

On Monday, I borrowed Ocean's Twelve from Mattie. I watched it yesterday afternoon, and I don't care what anyone says, I thought it was hilarious. There were a couple parts about it that I didn't really like. The use of Deus ex Machina is not appreciated in Aparment 33. Otherwise, it was, I thought, a very enjoyable movie. That whole with Julia Roberts? Genius. Music? Awesome.

Tyler, my roommate, does make a good point though. In Ocean's Eleven, everyone had a field of expertise for which they were hired. It's what they were there to do and they did it fantastically. In Ocean's Twelve, not so much. Everyone just kind of did whatever because the focus in this movie wasn't just one job. It was spread over a couple jobs, none of which needed any experts in any field (except maybe Nagel and his hologram thingy, but he wasn't even part of the crew). The whole hiring of the grease man, movers, pickpocket, etc. was the appeal in the first movie. Everyone had a chance to shine. Still, I liked it a lot because it made up for the lack of distinct roles with humor and creative filming, though I hear some people thought the filming was just confusing and stupid.

I also hear that Ocean's Thirteen was better than Ocean's Twelve, or at least that Ocean's Thirteen was really good, so I'm intrigued.

Oh, and question. Did Tess count as the twelfth person? Because she didn't really do anything, except to pretend to be herself (haha!).

Best line in the movie: Well, I gotta sit down on the toilet or else I'm going to shit on your feet.
Or maybe: God, it's almost like this Kabbalah crap doesn't even work!
OR: And tell him dresses like a gigolo!

Ah, so many good quotes. I could go on and on.

Better than what?

2008-03-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

I just came back from an Easter dinner with my aunt and her in-laws. Note: my aunt isn't really my aunt and neither is my uncle really my uncle. They are very close family friends and I call them and think of them as my relatives. It was a lot of fun. They were very inviting and the food was very good. Now, I'm not sure how but somehow everyone knew it's my birthday tomorrow. There was a chocolate roll cake and a Better Than Sex cake that I blew out the candles on.

It was funny, though, when they sang Happy Birthday. It was very loud and enthusiastic. No one sang on the same key and the some of the kids were covering their ears. It was all really charming. It was a pretty fun Easter dinner, I'd say.

P.S. The cake really might have been better than sex.

Excommunication

2008-03-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

"Want to hear something sad? Rick got excommunicated."

That's what a customer said to someone on her phone. It really is a sad thing. Excommunication is not a common thing in the LDS church, I think (and I'm assuming this person is LDS because we're in Provo). I don't think you can do something unintentionally and get excommunicated for it. If this person really did get excommunicated, he must have done something big. And yet the customer said it the way you would tell someone that a friend moved to an apartment in the neighboring city or that your car was impounded.

It was all pretty sad.

Ding!

2008-03-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

It's funny how when I first started blogging, I struggled to come up with something to write about even just twice a week. Now, I'm bursting with material and find myself needing to carry around a notepad so I don't forget the ideas I come up with. Normally, I find it hard to remember even one idea long enough for me to finish classes and get home to my computer.

I would write more, I really would, but it's getting pretty late and I'm freakin' tired.

Purple. Not blue.

2008-03-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

Today, Chris and I went to watch Tyler's intramural basketball game. Tyler was on the white team and the other team was called the blue team even though they were wearing purple. It was all very confusing, but that's the not the point. The point is that every time it was the blue team's ball, the referee yelled "Blue Ball!"

Don't yell blue ball. Ever.

Where in the world is Elder Gee?

2008-03-12T10:22:00.001-07:00

So, when I got home from work yesterday, I found a couple of messages from a friend that I had made during the summer term. He rarely goes on GoogleTalk and we keep missing each other, but he basically said that he was going to be in Provo because he is going into the MTC today and would be at the Creamery around 11 before his life disappears from everywhere except for Arequipa, Peru for the next 2 years.

But which Creamery?! There are four Creameries! Right after my 10:00 class, I rushed to the Creamery at the Wilk because I assumed he'd been talking about that one. I waited from 10:50 to 11:03, then began to think that maybe he meant the Creamery on Ninth. I ran to the Creamery on Ninth and waited for a bit and didn't see him, so I ran all the way back to the first one at the Wilk and waited until 11:25.

Sadly, I figure I missed him. I guess I could still write him while he's at the MTC. Since Chris, one of my roommates, works at the MTC, maybe he could drop off my letters (If you're reading this, Chris, hint hint!!). I would've liked to see him before he left. The next time I'll probably see him is in a little more than two and a half years.

I wish him well.

Black Converse now in pineapple flavor

2008-03-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

Today, I spilled concentrated pineapple juice on my left shoe at work. By concentrated pineapple juice, I basically mean pineapple syrup, and it wasn't just a little bit either! It must've been about 3 tablespoons of sticky, sugary mess. Then, before I could get a towel, I felt my toe get cold and wet as the juice soaked through my shoe and my sock.

Sad day. At least Law & Order is on.

A project

2008-03-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

I want to undertake a big project. Something challenging that I will be proud to have accomplished. Right now, I'm just kind of going to school and waiting for something to happen, but I want to do something more than just study.

A list:

Build a car
Build a computer
Write a book
Write a research paper
Open up a business (Yeah, right. Like that's gonna happen.)
Make an art piece
Create a nice webpage
Write a song
Write a poem
Make a techno song using a computer (lol! :D)
Run a marathon
Do a triathlon
Plan and exectue a big community service project
Create quick and easy recipes for college students like myself
Publish an article in an academic journal

I guess you get the idea. I want to do something big. I really like the idea of training for a marathon or triathlon, but I'm on a time limit here. I have until I go on a mission to do it, meaning I only have a couple months. I don't know how possible that is.

My brain!

2008-03-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

The stereo at work has been broken for a while, so instead of listening to an iPod, we've been using a small boombox to listen to CD's the workers bring. Yesterday, we listened to a CD that one of the kids brought in because we were tired of the "Songs About Jane" album by Maroon 5. It was a mix of garage band type, mainstream, pop rock music that high schoolers typically listening to, which, honestly, I don't really mind. But, on the CD, there was this song.

Oh, the song... It was terrible. Everytime it came on, I cringed as the boombox sanded my brain into nothingness with a sappy, teenage remake of "Hello Goodbye" by The Beatles. It was absolutely disgusting. The singer's voice was whiny and annoying and high and everything else that could possibly be wrong with this world. I could not possibly overstate how bad it was even if I were blessed to be born with a dictionary lodged in my head and the ability to eloquently string together every word in it to describe the nauseating rendition of a perfectly good song.

"Hello Goodbye" is now forever ruined for me.

Lame

2008-03-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty boring day. Went to class, studied a bit, bombed a test, etc. I'm not in the best mood right now. I don't feel bad but something feels off today. I just can't get myself to feel at ease.

I'm boiling some red potatoes right now. The chicken is thawing and the corn is waiting for the potatoes to be done so they can be cooked.

This might be a movie review

2008-03-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

We ended up watching I Am Legend (am I supposed to italicise movie titles?) after reading reviews for Vantage Point and Jumper. I had heard mixed opinions about I Am Legend. Some people said it was a bit disappointing. My roommate, Andy, thought it was stupid that "nine tenths of the movie has Will Smith by himself" and that "there was no dialogue." Mattie thought it was good and that she was willing to watch it again with us. Since Andy wasn't going to be watching a movie with us and Mattie was, we decided to watch I Am Legend.

I thought it was good. I don't understand why Andy didn't want to see it again, especially because it was only a dollar. I totally would've watched it.

*****SPOILER ALERT!!!
Did anyone else think it was really sad when Sam died? I mean he was the last human before, but when she died, seriously, that was sad. If my tear ducts weren't out of practice, I would've cried (OK, maybe my heart broke just a little bit).
*****END SPOILER ALERT

So, yeah. Fun movie. I want to write about so much more but it's past midnight and my creative juices are at a standstill, and I could write on and on about many, many things. So, maybe I'll save this material for when I don't have anything to write about. For now, good night!

Beautiful day

2008-02-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

It's only just after 10 and I can already tell today is going to be a pretty awesome day. I woke up about an hour ago without my alarm. I have calc at 11, but after that I'm just going to study for my Book of Mormon and calculus tests, take those tests, and I'm home until we go watch a movie later tonight (Jumper or Vantage Point, I think).

The forecast for today is 50F high, mostly sunny, with a 20% chance for percipitation. That's the highest temperature it's been since October. I'm so glad to see that number. Maybe, if I can get my midterms done early, I can convince some people to go play tennis with me. I forgot to ask last time... But not today! I've been awake for an hour, and my day is already awesome. I intend to keep it that way.

Also, last night, I tried to do a 100 Things, but I don't know how to create a page on my blog for that or how to link it, so, instead, I'm going to be listing all the books I read this year on the side, though that list will stop growing at about June, when I go on a 2 year proselyting mission. Until then, I'm going to be aiming for a book a week. But for now, The Secret is proving to be a major drag.

The tie date

2008-02-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today, I went to a tie date. It was about 40 people from my ward who met at the lounge. The guys had given their ties to the guy in charge beforehand, and, today, the girls chose a tie and an activity. Whose ever tie they chose would be their date for the next hour and the date would be the activity. I thought it was a pretty cool idea, and it was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I was really only there because there was a shortage of guys (like the ratio of guys to girls was about 2:3). We did peep jousting, which involves peeps, toothpicks, and a microwave oven, and made microwave s'mores. That took about 20 minutes, I think, so we all just talked for the next half an hour or so.

In other news, the weather today was A! M! A! Z! I! N! G! It was beautiful today, and everything was just fine and dandy. I wore my shorts and a light jacket. Had my iPod playing some songs I discovered on my computer that I had never heard before, and it was just the perfect day to do anything. Except, maybe, build a snowman because there's no more snow (hooray!).

I think I'm going to do a 100 Things instead of doing my homework, though I'm not sure how I can add a link on blogspot. I'm not HTML savvy so I can't make it on my own.

Time to break out the shorts!

2008-02-26T13:16:00.000-08:00

Get the crap out, winter! It's time for spring!

This morning, as I was walking up to campus, I was sweating even though I was wearing just two very light layers. It was nice and sunny, and there wasn't a single pile of snow in sight. Ok, that was an exaggeration, but there was very few piles of snow, and by very few, I mean like one, maybe two. It was amazing. I haven't seen so much grass since before Thanksgiving break - and New Year's but then I went home to L.A. for New Year's so it doesn't count. I'm excited to wear shorts tomorrow and maybe even my sunglasses (hooray!).

Did anyone else notice how winter never seems to end? Spring is just a transition between winter and summer. Summer doesn't feel like it lasts nearly long enough because there is a deadline to get so much fun done. Fall is nice because it's cool and windy, but there is always that evil Winter that is getting one day closer. The first day of snow is pretty nice, but once the snow starts piling up and it starts to hurt to go outside, I want it to be over, but it just doesn't go away. Everyday, I'm waiting for spring to hurry and come, but it's not Spring's turn yet. He's (she?) going to have to wait until Winter's turn is over.

I think I'm going to try and convince my roommies to play tennis with me today :)

Hopefully

2008-02-25T23:02:00.000-08:00

Quite honestly, I don't know what to write about, but I haven't written in a couple days, and if I don't write something, it'll bother me until I do.

Today, I went to class, got a haircut, and went to work. A pretty lame day if you ask me. My classes were fun but after that it all went downhill. I don't really like getting haircuts because I have this thing where the moment I sit on that chair and I hear those scissors, I get really drowsy and it's all I can do to keep myself from falling asleep and letting my head fall onto a pair of scissors, which will subsequently result with my head rolling across the floor.

Honest to God, I am not getting paid enough for what I do. And I'm not just saying that because I'd like to get paid more money. This is turning out to be a lot more trouble than it's worth. So, what I did was I walked down to the other side of the plaza and talked to someone at Kaplan Test Prep. Hopefully, they'll give me a call and hire me even though I'll only be able to work for about two more months. And, hopefully, they'll pay me more than the seriously ridiculous scraps of change I'm getting for my job now.

Hey, look. Guess I did have something to write about :).

My angry list

2008-02-22T23:24:00.000-08:00

I need to vent.

Ever since this semester started, certain people have been irritating me to no end. I couldn't think of what had changed that had me more agitated this semester than the last. I thought, at first, that it was their behavior. Then, I started to think that it might be me. I have to admit, I held in a lot of things last semester. I'm usually good about letting things go, but maybe I've reached my limit.

Today, while I was at work, I realized what it was about these people that was so annoying. In fact, I even made an entire list. It was really slow today so I had more than enough time. So, here is the list, from most irritating to list:

People who call me a liar. Trust me. If I'm lying, I have a very good reason. Unlike everything else, I will not let this go. I'll even let you go if you hit me, but call me a liar, and you're a dead man.
People who do not know when to shut the hell up. I'm not saying I just want us to sit in silence, but, sometimes, the conversation comes to a comfortable lull. Why do some people understand insist on talking all the damn time?
People who try too hard to be heard. Don't laugh extra loud. I can tell it's fake, and it's just annoying when you start making a comment or laugh at every single moment that there is a slight break in the conversation. What are you doing? Why are you being so loud? Stop it.
People who try too hard to impress people. It's stupid. No one likes a show off.
People who insist on being involved in everything. If I say that it's OK and that I don't need your help, leave it at that. And do not make me repeat an entire story or joke just because you only heard the punchline and you want to laugh too.

I should probably stop it at that. Since, I don't actually say these things, this blog is the only outlet I have, and I could probably write down about 5 more things, but I won't subject you to my negativity.

The worst part is that this one guy I know hits everything on this list except the first one, which is the only reason why he's still alive.

School Spirit

2008-02-21T08:39:00.001-08:00

I've been experimenting with the focus on my point and shoot camera.

Finally! I've been trying to get on Blogger for the last 10 minutes! The internet in this building sucks! I'm in Physics 121 right now, and we have a student teacher teaching us today. He's not doing a very good job. I should probably cut him some slack, but I want to learn this stuff, and he's not helping. He could at least write the equations on the board so I could read them. The letters are tiny! My eyes are like -6 and my contacts are starting to get old so there's no way I'm going to be able to read anything on the board unless it's size 98 font.

Right now, I'm on GoogleTalk with Jill and Andy. Andy says that I don't have school spirit. Well, I'm sorry. In my high school, more than half the students commuted over half an hour to get to school, which meant that we had pathetic turnouts for our football games. We only looked forward to pep rallies because it was a chance to get out of class.

So, my mentality is that we go to school to learn things. Sure, football and basketball games are fun, and it's also fun if the team you're rooting for wins, but there's no need to be all psycho about it. Ok, great. BYU beat Utah in last night's basketball game. Go, Cougars.

NOT: OMGCOUGARSWINWEARESOAWESOMEUTAHSUCKSWETOTALLYDESTROYEDTHEMWHOOOOOWE'RETHEBEST!!!

Burritos now 100% off!

2008-02-20T17:54:00.000-08:00

Today, my friends and I went to Sandy, Utah to a new Chipotle restaurant that was giving out free burritos and drinks for the day. There was a line going out the door and it was cold, but it was totally worth it, though it almost wasn't worth it. Behind us, there was a group of high school students who were being really loud and obnoxious. They kept yelling things like "FREE BURRITOS! WHOO!" I think I might've been more mature when I was in the 8th grade. Once they started eating, though, they got quiet. I'm hoping it was because they all tried to be macho and ordered the hottest sauce and then couldn't handle it.

On the way back to Provo, there are a couple buildings and yards fenced off on the right of the I-15. I'd seen it several times before, and I assumed it was a high school. Today, I found out that it's the state prison. You can call me crazy, but I swear that that's what the schools in Los Angeles look like.

Is that sad? I thought it was hilarious.

Baby steps

2008-02-19T19:00:00.001-08:00

So, I'm pretty dang proud of myself. Yesterday, I woke up and got myself up to the library where I studied for 4 to 5 hours straight. And yesterday was a holiday! I would've stayed 3 more hours, but someone from work called asking if I could cover the last 2 hours of her shift because she was feeling sick, so I went to work as well. Then, today, I went to the library again and did even more studying for a couple hours.

I'm sad to say that, today, I finished one homework assignment. And it took me 3 hours.

My brain just about collapsed onto itself. After 3 hours of mind numbing calculus (and getting half the questions wrong after doing a page's worth of work for each question), I started to get hungry. I tried to ignore it, but, with my mind already worn out, it wasn't about to happen. After about 15 seconds, I decided I'm not about to get any more work done so I came home.

Now, despite the whole giving up on homework thing, I'm happy because I think I'm finally able to motivate myself to study. I always liked the feeling of getting all my studying done for the day, but I always had trouble holding onto that feeling and using it to get myself to study.

I'd like to get to the point where I'm ahead in all my classes but we're taking baby steps here, people.

I was...

2008-02-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

The last 3 days were not exactly the most fun days of my life. I had an exam to take by Thursday at 2 for my Computer Systems class so, all day Wednesday, I studied like a madman because I definitely was not ready for this test. On Wednesday night, I read about 150 pages of text on boring programming stuff. I went to bed around 2:30 AM Thursday and woke up 5 hours later to finish another 100 pages. I had to be in the Testing Center with my test by 2 but I had work at 2 meaning I had to leave the apartment by 1:30. My physics class was at 9:10 so I skipped that class so I could finish studying and go take my test. Once I got to the Testing Center, I found out that we could use a page of handwritten notes for this test, which was new information for me. So I took a test that I crammed for in the last day and could've had notes for with too little sleep. I'm proud to say I scraped by with a 73%.

Then, I went to work from 2 to 7. On Friday, I worked from 6 to close. We could've left at 11:15 like we usually do but this one guy brought his date there and was so busy talking about himself that he didn't notice that they had been there well over an hour and well past 11, which is when we close. So then I got home around 11:45 (because we had to wait for the guy to leave), and went to bed around 1:30 because one of my roommate's friends had come over, and we watched a couple episodes from season three of The Office. I went back to work the next morning from 9 to 5. I came home not wanting to do anything but just sit around and do nothing. My roommate, Chris, and I ordered 3 Pizza Mia pizzas from Pizza Hut (3 medium 1 topping pizzas for $5 each!). Chris, his girlfriend, and I had pizza while watching some more of The Office.

Then, I woke up just in time to get ready for church, went to church, stayed later to have a "Personal Priesthood Interview", came home, reheated leftover pizza, and then went to bed. Now it's 8:40 and I've woken up from a nap that lasted a couple hours. I'm not exactly sure how long I slept.

And that's my excuse for not writing for so long.

This post is about the weather

2008-02-12T20:53:00.000-08:00

We had about two and a half days of very nice sunny weather. It was warm but not too warm because of the cool breeze that came through every couple minutes. Then, yesterday afternoon, a blizzard came through. That morning, I had bundled up because the forecast said there will be a 70% chance of snow at 11. Turns out it didn't, and I ended up sweating as I walked home from class at 12. I was a bit annoyed at the false promise of snow that had caused me discomfort, but then I felt better when that blizzard hit. I don't particularly like the snow. In fact, I hate it. I would choose 110 F over 10 F any day, but since it snowed, I could say to myself, "The storm just came late. It could have snowed on my way home," as opposed to if it didn't snow, I'd just be annoyed because I bundled up for nothing.

My roommate had every reason to be annoyed with the weather. He works at Cabella's about 30 minutes north of where we live. Last night, he got off work at 8 but had been snowed in until 11 and didn't get home until around 11:45. He owns a diesel car and had to fuel up as well but the only station that had diesel was packed with cars. He says, that last night, it looked like a nuclear bomb had hit with the wind blowing snow across the barren fields filled with stationary cars. Apparently, it looked pretty freaky, and it probably did.

It's funny that I say it was warm, though, because it was about 35 F those two days. That is in no way anything close warm where I'm from. In Los Angeles, people put on a sweater, a coat, boots, and gloves once the temperature hits 50 F. Until I left and learned of the terrors on less than 50 degree weather (God forbid), I didn't understand what people were talking about when they said southern California is lucky to have such nice weather. After all, in high school, my friends and I would huddle close in the mornings until school started. I've since acclimated to these colder temperatures and now consider 10 F to be cold, not freezing.

I'm not sure if it's better that I won't take Californian weather for granted anymore now that I have an idea about what real cold is all about or that I never had to deal with freezing temperatures before I came to Utah.

I'm trying to be positive

2008-02-11T21:51:00.000-08:00

but I'm still pissed off, not at anyone in particular. I'm just in a bad mood. The only positive thing I can say about today is that the weather was very nice, which seemed to impacted me today a great deal more than one would expect.

One thing I've noticed is that I want to be in a bad mood. I know that sounds bad but it's true. I know that deep down inside I can, if I wanted to, just let go all my angry thoughts and just not care what about what anyone says because I've done it many times before. The only thing is that I don't want to, so, I guess in that sense, I can't just let go.

I wonder how many of us, when we're angry, listen to angry music and refuse to listen to anyone. After all, that person might say something that will calm me down and that's the last thing I want. I think this goes for many other emotions. When I'm happy, I can forgive anyone and anything without a second thought and everything is just abso-freakin-lutely fabulous no matter what happens, whereas when I'm down, it takes something big to bring me back. It's as if I'm determined to maintain my emotions in the state they're in.

It's probably better that way so that I'm not on an emotional roller coaster, but I'm not a very pleasant person for a very long time once I get angry.

Ugh. Honestly,

2008-02-10T22:16:00.000-08:00

I can't believe some people.

I try to be a kind, understanding, and forgiving person, I really do. I also try my best not to be confrontational, though on the inside I might really love to give someone a piece of my mind. I'm pretty good at avoiding confrontations, I think, but it comes at a price; I get a lot of frustration stored up in me, and I'm usually pretty good about finding an appropriate outlet for when the frustration starts to get overwhelming but, every once in a while, it just gets unbelievable hard.

I think the problem is that I can't distinguish when I'm being nice and when I'm being a pushover. Where is the line between a kind person and a doormat? It seems like I need to draw a different line for every person I meet because someone people will notice that I'm just being nice while others will be completely oblivious to the fact that they're being a complete bitch, and the fact that I don't know how to draw that line for just a single person doesn't help at all.

There's got to be a better way to deal with this. As of this moment, am I the nice guy or the pushover?

The answer: NEITHER.

Sociology > Computer Systems

2008-02-09T14:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to Tyler's sociology class. It was so much more fun than my computer systems class. I actually paid attention instead of doing my computer systems reading like I had planned to. It doesn't look like I'm liking my major any more than I am.

Perhaps I'm screwed

2008-02-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

EC EN 124 - Introduction to Computer Systems

Homework #4
Question #1

If the value in R1 is 0x0008, what will the value be in R0 after executing the following 4 lines of binary code? What does the binary program do?

0001000001000001
0001000000000000
0001000000000001
0001000000000000

Answer: I DON'T KNOW

This is supposed to be an introduction class. I wonder how hard EC EN 300 level classes are...

On my mind

2008-02-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

So, I'm starting to rethink my major. Right now, I'm majoring in electrical engineering and minoring in international development (and also thinking of minoring in English as well). I wanted to master in public policy after my undergraduate studies and then work with the U.N., hopefully doing research for third world countries. I want to make a difference with my life. I think it's the only way I'll feel like I've accomplished something with my life and, honestly, I think it's pathetic I feel that way.

I think this feeling stemmed from my inner desire to stick it certain people in my life by accomplishing something that will validate me saying something scornful like "I've done this with my life. What have you done?" Also, electrical engineering, as we all might guess, is one of those ridiculously well paying careers (can you say 6 figures?).

Though, now I'm in calculus and engineering classes, I'm starting to wonder if all this is for me? I mean, it's not like I'm not a math and/or science person, but it's just so hard for me to get motivated to study for these classes. When it comes to classes like religion or foreign languages, I'm all over the assignments. I get them done ahead of time and I thoroughly enjoy myself in the classes. My calculus class is much worse. I end up either feeling the suede part of my shoes the entire time or drawing in my notebook. Even now, I should be frantically trying to catch up on homework but I really don't want to.

I think what I really want to do is major in biology, physics (the only two science subjects I enjoy), advertising communications, international relations, or a language. Those sound fun whereas electrical engineering sounds like a lot of money, but also a lot more work (maybe more work than it's worth). My dad would tell me to do what I will enjoy. My dad had to make a similar decision when he was a college student. Business or architecture? Business is where the money is but he would enjoy architecture so much more, and having grown up with financial difficulties, he chose business, which he tells me got pretty boring pretty quickly.

So, here I am facing a dilemma my dad had the pleasure of meeting about two decades ago. Money or, essentially, happiness? I should probably learn from my dad's "mistake" but it's hard. I didn't exactly grow up with parents who had plenty of money to spare. As a single parent who was supporing his son as well as his mother, my dad didn't exactly have it easy and yet, he managed to provide me with a decent childhood. My grandmother filled the role of my mother so that my dad could work without worrying about leaving me alone at home. I feel like it's my obligation to pay my parents back for that. I want to make money so I can send my on two week long vacations to Europe and so I can take my grandmother to see the family that she hasn't seen in twenty years whenever she wants.

Obviously, if I'm happy but living in a box, I can't do these things. Tough choice... I guess now isn't really the time to worry about it. I'm going to be going on a full time proselyting mission for my church in about half a year and will be gone for two years anyway. A lot will happen so I guess it's best not to make any big commitments right now.

My top 5 favorite ways to waste time

2008-02-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

College student + homework + exams + work = NOT FUN

This combination will break down any person. So, how do I manage to keep from going crazy? I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

1. Facebook
What teenager doesn't go on Facebook to procrastinate? I'm not exactly sure what I do when I go on Facebook. All I know is that I go on Facebook and then a while later I'm panicking because it's getting close to midnight and I still have about two chapters worth of calculus homework to do.

2. Final Fantasy XII
My roommate brought home a Playstation 2 from home with many games, including Final Fantasy XII, which I've started playing. When it comes to RPGs, it's like I have this obsession with making sure everything is perfect. I don't want to mess up my characters or miss any treasure chests that may contain some wonderful item that will brighten my life for about fifteen seconds until the novelty wears off.

3. Law & Order
I prefer Law & Order SVU but any of the series will do. The show's terrible for our apartment. They always have such awesome hooks that they play before the opening theme and once my roommates and I watch it, it's over. We have to watch the rest of the episode. Here's the worst part: TBS plays like four episodes in a row, and when TBS isn't playing it, there's another network that is. So, we have to turn off the TV right after the end of any given episode. Otherwise, we're unproductive for the next hour.

4. Play with my yo-yo or other little toy
I have a yo-yo, a Rubik's cube, little puzzles, and many many other things. I spend a lot more time with these than I thought. Surprisingly, though, I don't spend much time on the Rubik's cube because I'm determined not to look at the solution but I don't have the patience to try to figure it out.

5. Clean my room
This is my absolute last resort; I can go months without cleaning my room. Disgusting, I know, but we have cleaning checks here every month so I'm forced to clean my room anyways. Every once in a while, though, I get so bored that I start cleaning my room. Anything to get out of doing homework.

You might wonder how anyone could possibly get any work done with such an awesome arsenal of procrastinators.

It's a secret.

New York Giants win Super Bowl XLII!

2008-02-03T21:42:00.000-08:00

After church today, my roommate, Tyler, and I went up to our friend, Heidi's, parent's place to watch the Super Bowl on their 55" HDTV (sweet!). Her mom had tons of awesome food out for us including shrimp salad, wings, 7 layer bean dip, and a veggie platter. Heidi's family is a Patriots family except her youngest brother, who is a Giants fan. Tyler, although not a big Giants fan, wanted the Giants to win and I didn't really care (though after hanging out with Heidi a lot, I've started subconsciously rooting for the Patriots and Red Sox).

Obviously, we were all looking forward to the commercials. We saw some pretty hilarious ones. Tyler and I didn't see some of the ads in the first quarter because we got there towards the end of it. My favorites (in no particular order):

Diet Pepsi Max - everyone falling asleep and their heads nodding

Bridgestone - starts with the squirrel screaming followed by many other animals plus a woman

Tide To Go - the job interview where the interviewee's shirt is stained and interrupting everything he says with nonsense gibbering

Planter's Nuts - the lady with the massive unibrow rubs Planter's cashew on herself and all the men go crazy for her

Pepsi - Justin Timberlake flies through the city to a backyard and then gets hit by an HDTV (Hey, you! lol!)

Doritos - man sets a mousetrap with Doritos, then gets pounded on by a person in a rat suit who jumps through the wall

Vitamin Water - Shaq wins derby

E Trade - baby talks about how easy it is to invest in the market then throws up on the keyboard

Bud Light - man is flying when he is sucked into the turbines of an airliner ("the ability to fly no longer available with Bud Light)

Coca Cola - Stewie and Underdog balloons fight for Coca Cola balloon but Charlie Brown gets it in the end

Taco Bell - mariachi guy says "Hola" and winks with a "whutchi!! (whipping sound)"

Good times.

Attention all Jamba newbies!

2008-02-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

Oh, shoot...
I'm starting to think that I may have made a mistake when I decided I'm going to major in electrical engineering. I'm taking an engineering class right now called Introduction to Computer Systems and it's totally kicking my trash. It seems like everyone in the class knows so much more than me. They already knew what the heck a D-latch flip-flop switch was and I'm sitting there in my seat with my head swelling up trying to follow all the questions being asked.

I have to leave for work in about an hour. I'm not looking forward to work today because 7 and a half hours at Jamba Juice is not fun. Here are some tips for ordering at Jamba Juice:

Do not order the enlightened smoothies, except maybe the Strawberry Nirvana. The lower calorie base that is used to substitute two thirds of the juice is disgusting.
Do not order the all fruit smoothies. Sure, they might be healthier because they don't have the sherbet or frozen yogurt in them but what isn't healthy at Jamba Juice (except the Peanut Butter and Chocolate Moo'ds)? More importantly, it's a real pain for us to blend the all fruit smoothies because the blades get stuck more often from the lack of frozen dairy.
We ask you for your name so we can call you when your smoothie is ready. LISTEN FOR YOUR NAME. I don't know how many times I've yelled someone's name and they didn't hear me because they were so busy chatting it up with their friends. You're here for your smoothie so at least keep one ear open, especially when the store is fairly empty and quiet.
Tip. Lord knows we don't get paid nearly enough, especially in Utah where the minimum wage is ridiculously low. Even a little loose change is better than nothing. Some people are heartless.
Don't try to pay with a stolen credit card. If you insist on trying, at least have a fake ID because we WILL check! (That lady yesterday was crazy... haha)

Curses!

2008-01-31T18:02:00.000-08:00

So I was on my way to class this morning and I was thinking about something and I thought to myself, "I have to blog about this!" but then class started. 4 hours later after class and a midterm, I remembered there was something I wanted to write about but I couldn't remember what it was. Sad day.

Actually, not so sad. I'm very proud of myself today. Last night, I decided I'm going to start getting ready for bed at 9:30 and read from 10 to 11 and go to sleep. I also decided I'm going to start waking up at 7:30 and exercise for 30 minutes every morning, and I did, but that's not why I'm so proud of myself. Last night, when I set my alarm on my phone, I forgot to put AM and left it on PM so the alarm didn't go off. BUT! I woke up at 7:30 anyways and it was fantastic! I had to force myself to get out of bed a bit but I exercised and had a real breakfast while watching the news. It was awesome.

Fart, Brain

2008-01-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

The last two posts were brain farts. I don't know what I was thinking but I've snapped out of it. I've been really thinking things over and I've decided I shouldn't care about how people see me, which is something I've been having trouble with. I'm going to start being myself and, if you don't like me, tough cookies.

So, anyways, I've been reading a bunch of blogs nominated for the Weblog Awards and, let me tell you, I have never had so much fun online in my life. My favorite is dooce whom I've been reading for a couple years now, and I'll definitely be voting for her. Some new blogs I've come across are 101 Cookbooks and Freshly Squeezed! and I'm still looking at the nominees.

Reading all these blogs have made me wanting a nice blog of my own. A blog of my own design, not of Blogger's templates. Sadly, though, I'm not very good at html coding or web design. Maybe, I should go to Barnes & Noble to buy a Web Design for Dummies book or something. Speaking of Barnes & Noble and books, I need to start reading more. I have three books right now, two of which I've started, that I should get through before getting more books. I just don't seem to have time to read these days. With my studies, work, and procrastination (haha which actually takes up more time that the other two combined), there's hardly any time left in the day!

I'm going back to reading blogs instead of studying!

2008-01-21T23:41:00.000-08:00

Starting The Incredibles at midnight the night before school is not a good idea.

On The Incredibles, Bob said that people keep coming up new ways to celebrate mediocrity. How sad is it that it's true?

I think I'd better start studying more seriously. I keep trying to think of ways to study later.

It's funny that people just exude their personalities. When someone enters a room, depending on which person it is, the atmosphere just changes. Some people share their optimism and others just exude their negative energy.

Switcharoo

2008-01-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't been blogging lately... I've been asking myself what the point of the this blog is and I haven't come up with a convincing answer yet. So, here's what I'm thinking now: From now on, I'm just going to post my random thoughts and not what happened that day.

Office Space is a great movie. It's kind of like the solution to my life. Not in the steal money from a corporation way. In the "screw you!" kind of way.

Why do people sing the Happy Birthday song like they're at a funeral, all slow and stuff. We need to up the tempo and pitch a bit.

California is amazing. Being cold sucks. A lot. It's so annoying having to keep on taking layers on and off every time you enter or leave a building. If you're wearing certain jackets, when you pull them off, static builds up, making you a danger to yourself and others.

Note to self:

2008-01-12T00:05:00.000-08:00

If not within range of fists or feet, cuss out.

Let's all go green

2008-01-10T22:50:00.000-08:00

*Gosh dang it, it's doing it again. The thing where the lines don't show up between the paragraphs.*

It didn't snow today, thank goodness, but it was still cold. Today, I went to my EC EN 493R class for the first time. It's a new student seminar for the electrical and computer engineering program. We were talking about big developments in the past decades. In the 70's, the big thing was getting someone on the moon. In the 80's, it was the development of the computer, in the 90's it was the internet. This decade, the big thing are portable devices like cell phones and mp3 players.

Then, the question of what the next big thing might be came up. Nearly everyone suggested that robotics and integration would be it, integration meaning less work for us and more automated functions. Surprisingly, no one mentioned clean energy. Apparently, no one in my class really listened to Al Gore.

In my opinion, the next wave is going to be all about green energy. If I remember correctly, Honda has already come out with a hydrogen car. As these kinds of cars get cheaper, people are going to choose them over the cars we have now, and there are government incentives like the all-access thing for hybrids. I think it's just a smart business move to start going green and our country is big on business. Let's all start investing in green research.

Plus, people like to believe they're doing something that matters so if they are given a choice where the green alternative doesn't cost much more, guess which one they'll choose? For example, my mom's dry cleaning business has gone completely green and gets more business than any other dry cleaners despite the fact that my mom's place is more expensive.

I'm getting tired. I'm not very happy with my writing for this post but I'm tired and half my brain is trying to watch Law & Order.

No lyrics tonight. Good night.

Like Spam

2008-01-09T20:14:00.000-08:00

That right there is refried beans straight from the can. We used it to make bean and cheese burritos for dinner tonight. Turned out pretty good, actually.

Today, Tyler, Stopher, and I spent 3 hours spending grocery shopping, two at Costco and one at Macey's. We bought enough food for breakfast that should last us at least half a semester. We wrapped half the muffins in aluminum foil and froze them as well as the bagels and loaves of bread.

Not much happened so short post today.

And we feel like rain, when the words all sound the same, in the lifeless corners of this empty frame.
Though we feel let down by the same old autumn breathing, winter's curse is just around the bend.
With our hands all tied to the blades of their design, we are armed and ready to commit this crime.

Crazy...

2008-01-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day of classes for the winter semester. I went to 4 of my classes and I can already tell I'm in for a tough semester. The problem classes are calculus, physics, and computer systems. Calculus is just annoying, physics is just hard, and computer systems is not the class I thought it'd be. My religion classes aren't that bad but require lots of reading. At least, I have one easy class, which I really don't this counts as a class seeing as how it's half a credit and is more of an informational class about careers in electrical and computer engineering.

Is it just me, or, on the first day of classes, does anyone else get scared that they're in the wrong classroom? For all 4 of my classes today, I was glancing around hoping to see if anyone had their textbook out or for any other signs that might tell me whether I was in the right class or not. I was really nervous before every class just praying that I wouldn't have to get up and leave in front of over a hundred students when the professor said the class' name.

It's terrible. I think it's called paranoia. Or crazy.

Lot of knots, lot of snags, lots of holes, lots of cracks, lots of crags. Lot of nagging old hags, lot of fools, lot of fool scumbags.
Oh, it's such a drag. What a chore. Oh, you're wounds are full of salt. Everything's a stress, and what's more. Well, it's all somebody's fault.
Get, get, get over it!

An adventure, at the very least

2008-01-04T22:48:00.000-08:00

**I can't seem to add lines nor any indentaion in between the paragraphs so please bear with me while I attempt to figure out why it's doing that.**

So, on December 31, which was a Monday, I took a Greyhound bus back home to Los Angeles. I impulsively bought a ticket, and it was a big mistake. My parents were glad to see me but it was not very fun for me. I was supposed to board the bus on Monday night at 7:30 but I ended up waiting until 9:30 because the bus was late. Then, at Las Vegas, I was supposed to transfer buses at 1:35 Tuesday morning but since the bus was late to Provo, we got to Las Vegas at 3:00 in the morning and missed the bus. They didn't have any sort of compensation for us for a mistake that they made. We all had to wait until 6:45 that morning for the next bus which completely sucked.

Las Vegas is an interesting place. Time went by quickly enough. As I was sitting at the bus station for 4 hours, I counted at least 3 fur pimp coats and at least 5 crazy people. Also, a guy was trying to pick a fight with two other guys who had walked into the station. There were yelling and sirens. It was quite the 10 minutes.

So anyways, the ride sucked. I was supposed to get into Los Angeles at 8:30 on Tuesday morning but got in at 12:40. I wanted to go meet my mom that day, or at least a friend, but I was way too tired and slept until 7:00 that evening after I had a little lunch. On Wednesday, I went to the Third Street Promenade at Santa Monica Beach with one of my very close friends and went shopping. I bought two pairs of pants, one of which were an amazing pair and on sale for only $9.99. Afterwards, my family and I went out to eat sashimi for dinner.

On Thursday, I rode the subway/train to Long Beach to my mom's store. I add the slash because it started as a subway train and then went above the ground. One of the stops on the train was at Compton. How fun. Needless to say, there were some crazy characters on the train. I can't say I'm not used to these crazy people though. I grew up in L.A. and I've seen plenty of questionable people. After I visited my mom, I came home and my family went out to have some Korean BBQ at a new place. Service was excellent and the food was decent.

On Friday (today), I woke up at 4:00 this morning, left the house at 5:00, and got to the airport at 5:20. I tried to get my ticket (because we bought my ticket online), but they said I was a "no show" for the flight to Los Angeles, so my return flight was cancelled, and to make my reservation, they were going to have to charge me $45. Now, I wasn't aware of this policy but I wasn't about to risk missing my plane back to school for $45, but my dad was. He argued for so long, while I was standing there getting very frustrated.

So, long story short, I did have fun with my friend and my family, but everything else absolutely sucked. It's getting late and I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot of details, making this post a lot less interesting than what I'd like, but I'm tired. Good night.

When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way. But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured. Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down and I do appreciate you being round. Help me, get my feet back on the ground. Won't you please, please help me?

My very first white Christmas

2007-12-27T16:22:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged in the last couple of days because I was in Idaho Falls at my roommate's home. I was a little bit iffy about going with him because I thought it might be awkward but his family was very nice and welcoming. I feel a bit bad because I was very quiet and may have come across as curt.

It was my first white Christmas. I grew up in Los Angeles so there weren't many chances to see snow. When we were at Idaho, there was a big snow storm right before Christmas. The trip to and from Idaho was beautiful. There was tons of snow everywhere and it made everything look so different. I'm not exactly sure what word I'm looking for here. Everything was smoothed out by a pure white sheet of snow.

While I was at Idaho, I wanted to take so many pictures but I was frustrated because I'm not a very good photographer. All I can do is point and shoot. I couldn't get any of the pictures to come out the way I wanted. So during the trip, while I was constantly being annoyed at my lack of skill, I decided I want to take some photography classes or at least an intro to photography class at school. I looked up the classes and it turns out that in order to take an intro to photography class, you need to have taken two drawing classes, and in order to take those classes, you need to have been accepted into the visual arts program.

Why is this class so inaccessible? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who's majoring in something that has nothing to do with visual arts but is interested in photography. There isn't a photography minor but maybe if I sign up for the other visual arts minors like theater I can take the photography classes I want and then just drop the minor. But that just seems like more work than it's worth...

We love that game but we never play 'cause we will lose and we want to stay the way we are. The way we've been for far too long.
And we feel like rain when the words all sound the same as the curtain closes on another day.

This is not a movie review

2007-12-22T18:09:00.000-08:00

Today, I found myself with a lot of time in my hands with fall semester over and all. I was just mulling around, doing my laundry, surfing the internet, taking pictures outside, etc., and I came across this movie that one of my housemates had left behind. I thought I'd watch it because I hadn't watched it yet, though I had been meaning to for over a year.

Little Miss Sunshine is a movie that, I think, most people are able to identify with. The family in this movie has its problems and what they go through - both the good and the bad - is so true to life (I guess except when they sneak the grandfather's body out of the hospital...). At the end of the movie, I felt a little more peaceful than I'd been the last couple of weeks. My family is having some problems right now that we are trying to work out and I feel a little more positive about the whole thing.

I never really knew as much as I know now that every family has it's problems, and it's completely normal. No, it's not desirable, but it's OK. I think it's just another challenge in our lives that we can choose to try and overcome or not. Elaborating on what I wrote in my last post, we should to live our lives for others, especially our families. If I can help overcome my family's challenges, our lives will become so much better, and when I get married and have children, they'll be born into a family not without its problems but certainly less.

Look at the hottie in the tight jeans. Look at the pipe dreams. Look at the fat man burst at the seams. Look at the captian with the galaxy right off his balcony. Look at the science and the alchemy. Look at the sirens on the cop cars. Look at the pop star. Look at the convicts filing the bars. Look at the wife. Look at the knife. Look at the pom-pom prom queen scream and scream and run for her life.
It's always right, the perfect light in the dark of night. Give up the world. Give up your life 'cause you cannot fight the television.
Look at me hypnotized and half alive. Maybe it's four or five. Some parts are sleeping. Some parts are paralyzed. The television, television.

The meaning of life

2007-12-20T22:30:00.000-08:00

It snowed a good amount today. I'd say a couple inches. My friend, Jory, while coming off the I-15, got into a car wreck. Two cars hit the car behind him, which hit him, causing him to hit the car in front of him. His windshield blew out and his airbags were deployed but, thankfully, he wasn't hurt. After he took care of the insurance and came home, he called my roommate to ask him to take him to the hospital because he thought he might have whiplash. So, my roommate drove him to the hospital and I tagged along. It was two hours before he saw a doctor.

During the wait, my roommate and I read some magazines and then I started watching the fish in the tank. It was kind of sad. All the fish were just kind of floating around without a purpose. They weren't active at all. Some were just popping in and out of a hole, others were swimming in circles, and the clown fish were just sitting in the anemone. There just was no point to their being there. They simply existed.

I started thinking about life. Sometimes, life gets dull and we feel like the fish with no purpose. I'd hate to think that the point of life is simply to exist. It has no meaning. I wondered what makes my life special and different from these fish. What makes life meaningful and bearable? I'd say it's the relationships that we make that makes life worthwhile. It's when I live for others that I feel like I'm truly living. Knowing I made a significant difference in another's life is a lot more comforting than not. That's why I'm determined to help as many people as I can.

Incidently, Jory came out with a neckbrace and two prescriptions for Valium and something else. Turns out he had cervical something and muscle strain. Maybe that's basically what whiplash is? I don't know but it didn't sound too serious. Thank goodness he came out of that wreck with nothing more than that.

Sweetheart, you're fine. Mediocre people do acceptional things
all the time.

Christmas this year

2007-12-19T23:11:00.000-08:00

I haven't really been diligent about my blogging. However, it is finals week, so you're just going to have to understand. I have one more final to take, which is for my Human Development class, and I have yet to start studying for it. I was planning on taking it tomorrow but I'll probably end up taking it on Friday.

Anyways, Christmas is coming up but I will not be spending it with my family. Some things have happened and it is much easier to make things right by staying in Provo than it is by going home. This was an immensely tough choice. I feel like I'm letting people down but after thinking about it for about a week, I think I'm making the right choice. Apologies to friends and family.

I might go up to Idaho with my roommate to his home for Christmas or I might go to my aunt and uncle's home a couple minutes away from my apartment. I'm not exactly sure what's going to be happening. For now, I should just concentrate on getting my final done with.

Loans schmoans

2007-12-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

I. Hate. Loans. I'm trying to apply for a loan for my tuition and it is so unnecessarily complicated. Why can't I just fill out ONE application and then be told whether or not I got the loan? Why do they have to know how much in grants I expect to have four years from now and why do they expect me to know this? Is it really necessary that they know how much I spend per year on entertainment? And why does the entire process have to be in a billion parts with a 2 business day wait in between each part? This is so stupid. I'm very upset because I've been trying to work on getting this loan for so long.

I've just had a thought. I'm planning on serving a mission for 2 years starting August of next year. I don't have any money saved up for it and I've been planning on working while going to school next semester but if I go to school part time, I would be able to save up more money. My dad won't be happy about it because he wants me to concentrate on studying but its all about priorities.

What's most important? Even though my classes important, it means a lot that I pay for my mission on my own. I'm not feeling very independent at this point, and I think paying for even just a part of my mission will make my life a little more significant.

Traffic in Utah

2007-12-14T12:40:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while. Yesterday was the last day of classes for fall semester so I've been scrambling to get last minute assignments done before then. Today and tomorrow are reading days so I should've studied but my roommate and I went Christmas shopping for basically the entire day.

We've decided Utah is being stupid about traffic. In Los Angeles, traffic is considered to be a problem whereas here the mindset seems to be that traffic is just something that happens. The roads here have absolutely terrible traffic control and so rush hour is a lot worse than rush hour in Los Angeles, which is sad because Los Angeles must have a billion times more cars.

Also, it is impossible to watch a movie or just relax in my apartment because of certain people.

I want that for Christmas

2007-12-09T20:01:00.001-08:00

So I've been thinking about Christmas and about how I still haven't done any Christmas shopping at all. Then, I started thinking about how the consumerism during the holidays is just disgusting. It's as if we're unable to show our appreciation for someone without buying something that's ridiculously overpriced and going to be obsolete in a matter of months. This goes the other way as well. Why can't we appreciate it if someone gets us a gift that may not exactly be the most expensive gift but is a well meant gift.

I might have thought this because I don't exactly have enough money to buy gifts for anyone and I don't want people to feel bad. Christmas shopping is so hard and time consuming. Why can't I just buy orange chocolate balls for everyone?

What's that idiot doing walking like that?

2007-12-08T23:31:00.000-08:00

So I've been really bored lately because finals are coming up and I have many more excuses to procrastinate. I installed Diablo II onto my computer to help me procrastinate but it turns out my laptop sucks so much that it can't even run games that came out 7 years ago. I bought my computer several months ago so you'd think it'd be able to run near obsolete games but no. If you did think that you'd be wrong because my laptop sucks some major balls. The video card is worse than the one in the PC back at home that I put in 2 or 3 years ago.

Anyways, it kind of snowed all day today. It was just around 32 degrees today so the snow would eventually turn into slush. So since I was wearing my Chucks today, I had to be very careful where I walk. I might've embarrassed my roommate in the parking lot of Walmart tonight because I'm pretty sure I looked like an idiot tiptoeing in the slush.

Also, I was tiptoeing in Salt Lake City because I went up there with some people to watch BYU play against Michigan State in basketball. We lost. It wasn't as bad a loss as it could've been though. BYU is ranked 20th and Michigan State 9th if I remember correctly. We lost by about 6 points so it's not that bad, I guess. It was fun while it lasted.

It's getting pretty late but I took a 2 hour nap today so I'm probably going to be up for a long time. Maybe I should study for my finals...

What a lazy punk.

2007-12-07T23:23:00.000-08:00

I'm such a lazy punk. Today, I went to a help session for the final lab in my programming class. Then, I came home and didn't go to my classes. I went to the mall, did the laundry, and watched Batman Begins with a friend. Nothing productive was done today. Nothing at all, unless you count the laundry but that was long overdue.

I didn't want to go to class because it was raining all day today. I don't have any warm socks nor any shoes good for rain. My toes were cold, my pants were wet, and I was tired because, last night I went to bed at 1 A.M. but couldn't fall asleep until after 1:58 A.M., which is when I checked my phone for the time. Now, I'm about to pass out but I've made a commitment to blog everyday so I want to write at least a couple paragraphs. It's funny that of all the commitments I've decided to keep today, it wasn't to study but to blog. Once again, I'm a lazy punk.

One question. If there was a third world war, what would survive? I say cockroaches, mice, and Dolly Parton.

I've done it!

2007-12-06T22:29:00.000-08:00

I was lost and now I am found! I've found my calling in life. That was pretty quick though. I was just yesterday that I thought I've lost my direction in life. After thinking about it all night last night and all day today as well as meeting with a counselor, I've decided I want to work with the U.N. I want to do research for third world nations and for people who need help. I don't want to be part of consumerism, developing new iPods and cars.

So anyways, I'm very excited about this because now I have a direction in my life. I wasn't entirely convinced about my previous college plans but now I'm sure this is what I want. I have to say though, I'm not exactly sure how possible it is for me to get a job at the U.N. I'm not exactly sure how this works. I should probably do some more research about this new plan of mine.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how difficult getting a job at the U.N. would be but this is a challenge I'm more than willing to take on. First, I have to go on a mission, which will last 2 years. I'll really start going for these goal in about 2 and a half years.

Crossroads

2007-12-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not so sure what I want to do with my life anymore. Until now, I was dead set on majoring in electrical engineering and minoring in music so I can work with music technology. Frankly, I wanted to do this because the high pay really appaled to me. This may seem shallow but I come from a family where money was tight. My dad is a single parent and had to work to support me and my grandmother and I want to be able to treat them well once I begin my career. I feel an obligation to repay my parents for being able to deal with my selfish self despite money being tight. So money is an important factor for me when choosing my major.

The problem with this is that I want to be able to do something useful with my life. I look around and see so many problems in the world. I want to be able to make a difference instead of just sit in a lab all day and play with speakers. I don't want to just think of my own little world. I want to be someone with influence, maybe like a teacher or something, but, like I said, money is important as well.

I need to either convince myself that money is not as important or I need to find a career where I will be satisfied and have a decent salary. The latter is unlikely. What am I going to do? I can either sell out or try to make a difference. The "correct" answer is obvious but not so easy to choose.

Changes

2007-12-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm very excited for the next semester. There are 2 weeks left of classes for this semester and I've totally botched it. I'll rationalize by saying it was my first semester of college. Next semester, I have a full load with awesome classes. After completely messing up this semester, I'm excited to prove myself by going at the next at full speed.

I feel like I'm at a point where my life is changing. I'm actively trying to change my personality and habits. That being said, I'm excited for the new year because then I get to make resolutions. New year's resolutions are always more helpful than just trying to make changes. I'm going to be making a very long list of goals like not missing more than 2 classes next semester and staying ahead of my studies. I'm very excited.

Whew. Now that that's out of my system

2007-12-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

I feel better today thanks to yesterday's explosion of angst. This happens once or twice a year where the sum of disappointments, annoyances, bad grades, and fights since the last explosion is greater than the amount a brain dead person is able to handle. Now that I've got all of this bad mojo out of my system, I'm not doing so bad. Going to church today helped a lot.

I've decided that I just need to have confidence in myself. I know what I have to do. The problem is doing it. I need to get over myself and just do it. Starting today, I'm going to start sleeping earlier to wake up early to study the scriptures and go running before going off to class. I'm reserving 3 to 6 for studying. I will not answer phone calls, go on chatting programs like AIM, or go on Facebook. I'm going to campus early to work on my labs as well. So now it's 10:41 and I'm going to sleep.

Next time: Me and the Nobel Peace Prize

The whole damn world one-ups me everyday

2007-12-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been feeling extremely inadequate and down. Part of it is because I've completely given up on my chemistry class because I don't see the point as I am learning absolutely nothing from my idiot professor and am going to need to take the class again. I'm expecting a glaring fail on my transcript. At least until I retake it.

Because of that and a lot of other things, it seems that everything I can do amounts to a great big nothing because everyone can do it better. Everyone is smarter than me and gets better grades. Everyone is more musical. Everyone just knows more about everything and can do everything better. The ideal solution is to try my best and if I come up short, I'll at least have tried my hardest. What a joke. Who thinks like that anyways? I think, to prevent myself from ever being bested by someone who tries half as hard as I do, I just stop trying. That way I have an excuse as to why I suck major balls at life.

Obviously, this is really unhealthy but I can't get over this feeling of helplessness that seems to weigh down on me every time I try to do something. I can't help but feel that everything I do is useless because there's always going to be someone better than me. My parents have never pressured me to be the best at everything. They always stressed doing what I enjoy and doing my best but I guess it's just my personality that makes me absolutely despise losing.

I don't even know what I want to major in anymore. I thought, until recently, I wanted to major in electrical engineering but now I feel there's no way I can be successful in this field. If I think about it, I don't know if I even want to stay in college. I feel like I've already lost at everything.

How do you get over feeling like this? I might have lucked out because it's almost the new year and I've been pretty good about resolutions. The list this year is going to be very long.

Dang it

2007-11-28T22:41:00.000-08:00

I just typed up an entire entry about a book I'm reading and about how I need to rethink my life and why. This sucks. The website didn't even save the drafts of it even though it said it did. I guess I'll just redo it tomorrow.

Hormones and the big S-E-X

2007-11-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

There's something in the air here. To be more exact, there's something about 30,000 18 to 25 year old Mormons in a mad frenzy to get married before they pass their "prime". To be honest, in high school I never really understood why everyone seemed to have a need to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It seemed like some people just needed someone even if they didn't like the person. I've seen people enter another meaningless relationship on the same weekend that their previous one ended. It must've been the teenage hormones urging them to get some action.

Before I actually came to BYU, I told myself that I don't want to get married until I graduated. I guess I could get married in my last year, but there was no way I was going to have kids before I graduated. That would just leave me broke and tired. I also thought to myself I'd probably be surrounded by people who are dating like fiends, so I promised myself I wouldn't get caught up in it. Easier said than done.

It seems I tend to become like the people I'm surrounded by. I'm going to have to surround myself with the people that aren't dating (losers and married people) if I'm going to keep the promise I made myself. Of course, then I run the risk of becoming a loser or worse, MARRIED. Cue climatic music.

This isn't looking very good for me.

P.S. I can't stand pianists who can't trill properly and uses rubato distastefully. They make my eye twitch madly and I lose several hundred brain cells. My face contorts into something like the aliens from Independence Day and I spasm.

The route of death

2007-11-23T23:00:00.000-08:00

After vegetating back in Los Angeles in my parent's apartment for about a week, my roommate and I are now back in our own apartment in Provo. It took us about 10 hours to get back to Utah. Once we got settled back in, we decided to go running. Let me tell you, in this elevation of 6000 plus feet, air is basically nonexistent meaning there is no oxygen available for my body. I ran out of breath after a little more than a block. When we got back, I felt like blacking out for about 10 minutes. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did though. I've been feeling pretty fat lately so I think I'll try to run regularly.

Speaking of trying to run regularly, I've been having a problem with getting started on my goals. I was talking to my roommate and he has introduced me to the concept of underwhelming. What you do is set a goal for yourself that is so underwhelming that there's no way to not meet the goal as long as you do it. For example, I will now set a goal to go running 4 times a week. It doesn't matter if I run a block or 10 miles. As long as I get up and do it, I will have met that goal. It's fantastic for me because my problem is getting started.

Underwhelming goal: get off fat ass and run!

I need more time!

2007-11-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

So I've been home since Saturday night for Thanksgiving weekend. I'm having fun and all but I can't help but have this unsettling feeling, like I should be studying or something. The fact that I skipped two days of classes is probably adding to that. When I get back, I have a chemistry and programming test to take as well as a paper due for my Human Development class so I'm feeling very wary of this impending doom. On the bright side, there are basically only 3 more weeks of classes left until the semester is over.

While I've been home, I've been able to indulge myself in things that I don't have in Utah. In-N-out, homemade Korean food, awesome restaurants, a car, very many malls, a desktop. The thing I've missed the most I think is having a subscription to Time magazine. I didn't realize that Time was basically my main source of news. I don't really read the newspaper or watch the news but I do read Time from cover to cover. Now, it may not be the best source of news but it's the only source I have and I miss it.

I think I want to have my dad mail me the Time magazines that he gets. The logical thing to do, of course, would be to just subscribe one for my apartment in Utah but c'mon! I don't have that kind of money! I'm what we call a Starving Student. I guess if I stopped buying food at the cafeteria and started making all of my meals I'd have more money but who wants to do that? I tried it and lasted 3 days.

In other news:

I've made a couple goals for my life. One is to retire with enough money to have a chauffeur so that I don't kill people as I drive to the store to buy a cabbage. Another is to start a charity.
I've decided that making a living by blogging is totally awesome. I'm not sure I have the writing skills or the eventful life needed for a successful blog. My life is pretty boring, or maybe I'm just not good at writing about things that happen in a way that people would be interested in reading. Maybe I should major in English...
Coming home for breaks isn't as fun as it used to be. I'm feeling surprisingly frustrated and stressed at home. My parent's apartment is extremely comfortable but I don't think I could ever live with my parents again. I'm considering not coming home for winter break.
I'm going to have to get a job as soon as possible. Christmas is coming around and it's only just recently that I realized that I don't have the money to buy Christmas and birthday presents. I can at least give late Christmas presents. I should also be adding money into my savings account.

The example

2007-11-13T11:19:00.000-08:00

So, this morning I turned on the news to see what the weather would be like today. I didn't get to see the weather but I did see the traffic report. I saw a portion of a freeway near Salt Lake City and mistook it was the 405 South back in L.A and I felt a little pull. Call me crazy but the traffic reports and freeway congestions in the mornings before school is actually something I want to be a part of again. I miss that. I'm a city person and I love Los Angeles.

Anyways, after the news a show called "The Mike and Juliet Show" came on. It was like a Regis and Kelly ripoff. But that's not the point. In this show, they had a segment about Kanye West's mom's death and the dangers of cosmetic surgery. I don't know if no one noticed before but it's cosmetic SURGERY. It's not a little procedure like an eye test at the optometrist or something. This is a surgery that is supposed to happen in a sterile environment. There is anesthesia and cutting open of the body. There are bandages and weeks, even months, of rehabilitation.

In this segment, they were saying that the doctor that was supposed to perform the operation told her to get her heart checked to make sure it was safe for her to undergo this operation. On top of that, she wanted to do two procedures at once. Each of the procedures are huge procedures just by themselves. What's more is that she wasn't exactly young. Her body is weaker because that is just what happens with age and there are more precautions to take.

I'm not saying that I'm glad that Kanye West's mom died because it's terrible. I can't even imagine how he would be coping with it, but something had to happen that would open people's eyes. Now you could say that raising awareness by doing segments in the news could do it but honestly. Really? Is that really going to work? The people who would go overboard aren't exactly the type of people who follow politics and read the newspaper. They get their "news" by standing in line at Albertson's and reading about Hilary Duff's latest trip to a rehabilitation center.

I feel like so many people are going to take this wrong but some good is going to come out of this death. DON'T EVEN SAY I'M A BAD PERSON FOR BEING GLAD SOMEONE DIED. There is a purpose for everything and this is going to raise awareness more than anything else I can think of.

Also, a woman was raped by a homeless man after walking 2 miles away from her home and flirting and kissing him while asleep. Yes. She was sleepwalking the whole time. The question is is it rape if the homeless guy was had no way of knowing that she was asleep and in no condition of giving consent? To top that off, he is mentally ill. Regardless of whether or not he knew she was not in a condition to consent, what happened was terrible. So what happens if it is decided that the guy is not guilty of rape because he couldn't have known?

Geez...

2007-11-08T20:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a while. It's been rough. Chemistry and programming class stinks. The labs take forever to finish and the professors are essentially useless. The labs for my programming class is especially bad. I spent the entire week in the freezing computer science lab and I still haven't finished it. Anyways, I've been extremely stressed and I'm in the mood to really expand on that. I feel pretty bad this week emotionally as well as physically. I've eaten fast food almost everyday because after spending an entire day on campus, I'm not in the mood to make some bland food for myself before I have to study for my other classes to make up for the entire day I spent doing my programming lab.

I've been getting better at being more optimistic in the last few years but this week I'm just too burned out to even want to try to be more optimisitic. I've actually sat down and tried to find just one thing that's good in my life and, besides the cliche things like family and friends (which, right now I am taking for granted, know I'm taking them for granted, and don't care that I'm taking them for granted), there isn't a single thing.

I'm also more irritable. There are some people who make me angry just with their voices. It's very irrational and immature of me, I know, but I just don't care. Now that I'm writing and thinking about it, I'm completely stressed out right now and pretty much don't care about anything. Just the thought of how much time I spent at the lab and how much more of my lab is left makes me cringe and I just don't want to think about it.

Anyways, the weekend is coming up. Hopefully, I can use it to rest and catch up on some studying.

The wonders of planning

2007-11-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

So I've been told by several people that I need to buy myself a planner. Certainly, if I used a planner, I'd be less prone to forgetting 3 tests. If I used one, that is. I've had several planners and/or to-do lists. The problem with these things is that I think it's too much of a hassle to have to carry them around, and be constantly pulling it out to check it or to write something down. Besides, even if I did use it, I seem to think that I'll be able to remember things. Like if a professor were to tell me that there is an extra credit opportunity, I would probably remember it. Or at least that's what I think but no. I forget about half the time. I'm not sure why, after forgetting about these things so many times, I still feel like I'm going to remember to do things.

Tomorrow, I'm buying a planner and I'm going to write in it constantly.

Today's been an ok day for me. I got a good portion of my programming lab done. I was hoping to have it finished today but the T.A.s were not responding to my constant flagging on the help program. It may have had to do with the fact that there were about 40 people in the lab all wanting help at the same time. Maybe... I'm still annoyed about it though. Anyways, since I didn't finish it today, that means I'm going to the lab early tomorrow morning.

I was good about games/TV today. Played 2 games of Halo and didn't watch TV at all. That's not to say I got much studying done but it's definitely an improvement. We just had about 6 people in the living all playing and/or watching people play Halo, and I've somehow been able to ignore it.

Note to self, though: Don't buy fast food. I've had bad stomach pains after eating a burger, fries, and chocolate shake from the Malt Shoppe down the street. It might be because I ate it late, around 10:30. I've noticed that when I eat greasy foods later, I have stomach problems. I think I'm getting old because I've never had a problem with eating greasy foods regardless of what time it was. The 18 year old says he's getting old. Hilarious.

Anyways, if I stop buying fast food, I'd be saying money and being healthy. Two birds with one stone. Frozen bags of popcorn chicken and fish sticks don't count though. If you bake them in the oven, they can hardly be called fast food. And I would starve if they did count.

I think this Saturday, I should spend quite some time cleaning my room and organizing it a little bit. It's starting to get unmanageable. I also need to buy some more hangers. Ever since my dad sent my winter clothes, there has been a shortage of hangers. I forsee a trip to Walmart in the future.

Hilarious

2007-10-31T23:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough week. In addition to forgetting my human development and German tests, I also forgot about my chemistry test. So, I postponed my German test and took it on Tuesday night instead of Monday night and took my chem test today. On Monday, I had to go help set up my ward's Halloween party. I was gone from 4:30 until pretty late. Setting up the party was no picnic. I was already extremely irritable from forgetting my tests. Certain people did not help.

So on Monday night, I was pretty irritated. Yesterday and today just blew it for me. I've been pretty pissed off the entire time. Why do some people just don't have any sense? The Korean word, 눈치 (pronounced noon chee), is what I really want to use. It's kind of like the word sense but there really isn't an exact English translation of the word.

It's kind of like... If you can tell when someone doesn't want you there, you have 눈치.

I've had my revenge though. Today, on Facebook, my friend and I changed our relationship status to "In a relationship" and sent about 5 people into conniptions. Take that, 눈치less people! Take that!

But seriously, I screened many phone calls, texts, and messages. I did homework at a friend's apartment. She was one of the few people who didn't bother me at all so just hanging out with her, doing homework, and watching a couple movies definitely helped.

Normally, I don't get mad easily. I'm very tolerant of many things. When I do get mad though, it's very dangerous. I do and/or say things I should regret but don't because I am so pissed off. And I hold grudges and become bitter. I mean, c'mon! You've had that many chances and now you've gone too far. *&^#@ %^$&@#^$%&%@#$ and don't ever talk to me again, you $%@#@*&^!**! Honestly, I don't even understand how people get me mad. It's harder than quantum physics! It takes work!

There are some things I cannot tolerate though: being called a liar and not respecting my space. Doing those will shoot my anger level straight up to the sky. I have to say, though, that I've been getting mad easier since I've graduated. Compared to what I've stayed calm through, the last week is nothing. Maybe all this freedom in college is making me more reactive to things.

I think I need to stop watching TV and playing games. My goal as of now is to stop playing so much and start studying seriously. I need to start focusing because unlike in high school, how well I do here is going to seriously affect my future life. My goal after that is to start exercising and getting fit. If I have to spend more money and time on healthier foods, so be it. I'll at least I'll have extra time from not sitting in front of the TV. Well... That's the plan, at least.

The idiocy

2007-10-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

So on Thursday, I was reminded that I have an exam for my Human Development class. That Thursday was the last day to take the exam without being charged a late fee. The Thursday before that the professor reminded the class of the upcoming exam and I made a note to myself to study for that exam. I forgot about before I even got to my next class. The next time I had that class (last Tuesday) we had the professor of another section teach us and she obviously didn't say anything. So, when I was reminded of the test by a friend, I just about died. 5 chapters and 250+ pages. The latest I could take the test is at 9 P.M.

I started reading around 11 that morning. At around 1, I walked to school, had lunch, and then for some bizarre reason went on Facebook. I wasted about 2 hours doing that... I finished reading at 3 and took the test at 3:30. I should say I skimmed the reading because there is no way I can really read that many pages in 3 to 4 hours. I took the test and it didn't turn out so bad. 86% is not a bad score for such last minute studying.

So I've been upset with myself about forgetting that test. I was determined to never let something like that happen ever again and guess what. I FORGOT ABOUT MY GERMAN TEST THAT'S AT 10 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING. I really cannot understand what is going on with me. Forgetting about 2 exams in the span of 5 days? It's unheard of! My brain must be going dead or something because this hasn't happened even in middle school and high school when I really didn't care about my classes.

So here I am. Blogging instead of studying. Not to mention I haven't done my programming lab. I'm really slacking off and I feel so bad about it. I feel so ashamed of letting myself get so behind. I've never been so behind on my work and I've never felt worse.

Halloween

2007-10-26T23:41:00.001-07:00

So this is the first year I'm dressing up in a very long time. I've decided to be a surfer this year because I already have a wetsuit and an Abercrombie & Fitch full zip hoodie. Top that with messy hair and voila! You're a surfer. People have been asking where my goggles are though... I assume they think I'm a scuba diver so apparently I don't have a very good costume. I think it might have something to do with my wetsuit being so plain. Honestly, I wanted something with orange on it because orange is an awesome color.

So my roommate and I went over to a friend's house for a party. I was burning up, not because it was hot or anything but because I was so embarrassed of my costume. I'm wearing a skin tight wetsuit up to my waist with the arms down and a half zipped jacket. Now I don't exactly have to nicest looking body you know. I'm pretty sure my face was turning red, especially my ears. Fortunately, either no one noticed or no one said anything, which is a nice change because back at home, everyone notices and everyone says something when I turn red.

So, I guess I'll go to sleep now. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to write about yesterday's fiasco.

The new blog/My mom

2007-10-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm not sure how many times I've created a new blog but I've done it again. I was supposed to use the last two to help myself change my habits but they didn't work so well. I've kept with a blog for an average of 4 posts so I'm not sure how long this one is going to last. Though I always say this when I start a new blog, I'm going to say it again. Let's hope this one's a keeper.

So just a little background info on me. I'm a Korean who's never been to Korea and grew up in a janky apartment in Los Angeles for almost 17 years. I speak Korean and English fluently, took 3 years of Spanish in high school, and am taking a German class now. It's my first year at Brigham Young University.

So this post I'm going to write about my mom. My parents divorced when I was three because of problems between my mom and my grandmother. As much as I love my grandmother, she is way too overbearing and, like everyone in our family, has a huge ego. I'm under the impression that she didn't want to let go of my dad and my dad had to choose between his mother and his wife. My mom and dad decided that it would be best, despite how much they loved each other, if they split up and spared me the conflict. My mom agreed that I would be raised by my dad and grandmother and that she would not contact me until I've graduated from high school.

I grew up without a mom but without as many problems as someone would guess. My grandmother filled the role of my mother. I'm told that after my parents split up, I refused to play with the other kids in preschool until my grandmother told me that God compensates for any wrongs in people's lives, and after hearing that I've just been a normal kid. Honestly, I didn't even think about not having a mom. It just wasn't an issue for me. Unless someone mentioned it, my mom was out of sight and out of mind.

Having said all that, the Sunday before I left for Utah to start college, I met my mom. At first I was excited at the thought of meeting my mom but that quickly turned to anxiety. The closer it got to the day we were supposed to meet, the more nervous I got. I mean, how was I supposed to feel? I had absolutely no memories of my mom so it would be like meeting a new person and would be awkward for me because I'm not good at meeting new people. It wasn't awkward at all though. She obviously was very emotional and was crying but I'm not a very emotional person. I was polite and all but in hindsight I wish I would've shown more emotion, at least for her sake.

Here's the funny part. We met at the lobby of a hotel in Downtown Los Angeles, and she asked me if I already ate lunch. I hadn't eaten yet and she asked where I'd like to eat. I told her that I wanted to eat suhlungtang, which isn't a very fancy dish or anything. It's just a simple Korean meat stew. She told me in exasperation, "We haven't met in 15 years and you want to eat that? No, we're going somewhere nice." So we went to have some very delicious dungeness crabs at Redondo Beach. I really wanted the suhlungtang though... I don't care how cheap it is, it's damn good.

We spent about 7 hours catching up, talking about the family, and shopping. I don't think I still realize that I've met my mother, the woman who gave birth to me. I don't understand that after growing up thinking that the only relatives I had were the families of my grandmother's two siblings in Korea, I suddenly have a huge family with aunts, uncles, nieces, cousins, etc. I even have a stepfather (who is a very awesome man by the way) and two older stepbrothers.

So that's what's been in my mind. How do you comprehend something like this? Having your family more that triple in size in a matter of moments and meeting your mother who didn't raise you. I don't mean that in a negative way at all though. I feel very close to my mom now, and we talk on the phone regularly. If I still lived in Los Angeles, I'd be visiting her every chance I got. It's just difficult to comprehend having a big family after growing up knowing only my dad and grandmother. I don't know what having a mom, an uncle, an aunt, etc., is like - or is supposed to be like. Since I've never experienced these kinds of relationships, I'm not sure how it's supposed to be and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to feel about these people.

I feel like I'm being really redudant. I'm not very good at writing...
Well, I'm off to bed.